Nihilism can be understood as believing that life has no true meaning, that nothing can be truly known, that there’s no form of meaning in anything. So when you suffer every day, and things don’t get better, that the future isn’t looking better, it’s natural to fall into nihilistic tendencies, pessimism and a downward spiral of feeling mental discomfort. You may lose any sense of meaning in the idea of getting better, and lose hope of getting better. Your mind might be dwelling on all the negative aspects of life, as the pain and fatigue drag you down into a pit of self-hate.
The unfairness of suffering
It all feels unfair, the universe feels unfair, it’s cold, it doesn’t care about your suffering. It feels like there’s no greater meaning to your suffering, and there’s no reward for enduring it. You might ask yourself why you continue to suffer it. If you have any attachments to people, to your dreams, these usually serve as your reasons for continuing, otherwise fear keeps you in place.
I personally believe “true” meaning doesn’t exist, and that it doesn’t matter either, but I don’t take a pessimistic view of this situation. That’s because meaning is a human concept at its core, it’s unlikely that ultimate truths will arise from simply thinking, even witnessing truth seems impossible when you consider all your senses aren’t perfect. True meaning is flawed in that it doesn’t make any sense, “meaning” isn’t a property of the universe that exists. Meaning is just another way of saying reason, and our brains naturally try to understand things in that everything needs a reason, that reality is causality.
The problem with thinking that causality is everything, is that at the end of trying to understand causality, you always arrive at what caused causality, and then what caused that. There is never a satisfactory answer for the arrival of causality. Even if you say eternity resulted in causality emerging, it doesn’t answer why eternity exists. The question is impossible to answer. So you get stuck in a loop, of feeling unsatisfied, because you want there to be a greater meaning to everything, when there doesn’t seem to be. Just like time is relative, meaning is also relative.
Why does the universe have no greater meaning, and why reality exists, are beyond our understanding still. Maybe they will forever be beyond any living being’s understanding, we can only make guesses. Being a conscious being within reality means your understanding is also trapped within it, you can never view it without any bias because you’re part of it, and thus we’ll never truly be able understand it as we are.
But whilst some greater meaning over us all doesn’t seem to exist as a physical truth, meaning as an idea can be said to exist, meaning might be a non-physical essence. Meaning can simply be a tool of the mind, as the mind is a tool to survival of our DNA, and DNA’s survival is a tool to the essence of energetic change.
Meaning can be a tool to help you focus on a goal. We have goals and values because it’s our natural state to have them, we use them to survive. Meaning exists in the present, which is why it’s strange to extrapolate it into an infinite timeline, it’s a tool that simply doesn’t work very well in that capacity, it becomes ineffective to use it that way.
Which is all to say, it’s futile to keep trying to find a greater meaning for your suffering, the question is flawed. The only answer to the question is to give up, to let go. The main problem is that our ego doesn’t want us to let go easily, it’s extremely hard to let go of hoping for an end to suffering. All I’ve found is that it’s better to accept the present situation for what it is. Don’t use meanings to justify your thoughts and actions, use meanings to reach your goals instead.
Altering perspectives
A different question is to instead ask ourselves why we want there to be a greater meaning for suffering. Is it because it’s comforting, to think suffering leads to a reward? Because the alternative is too hard to bear, as to suffer for no ultimate reason isn’t comforting at all.
I used to think that one of the reasons for my suffering, was to learn something, that it gave me an opportunity that people wouldn’t choose willingly; that is to understand daily suffering, having no hope and being lost. By being so lost, I thought that I would then appreciate life more when I found my “true” path. Whilst this way of thinking is somewhat positive, it has negative undertones, which is the pressure to get better, and the pressure to find your path. Every day lost, feels like a day wasted, I strived and pushed myself to find an answer, but all this effort led to, was sinking faster. I’ve found that pressuring myself leads to making more mistakes, not more “progress” in getting better. They say pressure creates diamonds, but pressure and stress can also destroy you in the process. You have to be sturdy in the first place to undergo increased pressure, and I know for sure that years of chronic illness does not lead to a person being close to stable.
The problem with our self respect is that we tend to exist in a black and white reality of our making. We’re either worthless and a loser or we’re amazing and winning. Being painful and tired all the time tends to move you into the feeling worthless category. Coincidentally, people who feel like they are winning, can get one loss and feel like they are worthless, and then continue to reside there. It’s true our brains want to make it an “either or” judgment. But that judgement is flawed. Thinking that you’re either a winner or loser is simply delusion, it’s a flawed perspective, it’s another attempt from the ego to label and box everything so that it can understand it easily, it boils a complex person down into one thing to label, winner or loser, irrational terms when considering your self respect.
Where meaning can be found
I’d argue that there’s a lot of meaning to be found in trying to live in the present, in trying to live through suffering. Pain and fatigue cloud our perception, but distractions, acceptance and adaptation can work to change your perception. All experiences we go through are perception based. That’s why there is at least some hope, because it is possible to change your experience of suffering no matter the final result.
The small comfort is that if nothing exists forever, then it’s at least good that suffering doesn’t exist forever. So you might as well experience all the good things you can, before they are also gone forever.
I’m not saying the answer to suffering is to just stop complaining and enjoy your life. Words are easily said, and life is hard to live. Suffering interrupts enjoyment. But to dwell in thinking your life has no meaning when you suffer, is a perspective, it’s not true that you’ll definitely always have this perspective. Many things can bring joy and meaning into your life, even whilst you suffer. If you don’t have them, you might not have found them, they surely exist, so I hope you can still look for them at some point., or if you’ve found them, then dwell with them as much as you can.
life is unfair