When you are at threat of constant pain and fatigue, it’s natural to seek to lessen your pain and recover your fatigue. It’s natural to reject suffering and seek peace. The issue that arises however, is that you can find yourself never arriving at your destination. You are running from pain and fatigue towards comfort, whilst tethered by the reality of what’s causing the pain and fatigue, you never escape.
On the face of it, it seems like seeking comfort has no downsides, after all, you feel like you deserve comfort if you suffer. It’s something I’ve battled with for many years, and still battle with. The battle between comfort and challenging yourself when you are already overwhelmed with pain and fatigue. Being overwhelmed puts you in a situation where any extra stress is just too much.
An analogy might be; you’re on a ship, the mind is the captain, the ship is the body, the ocean is life. The ship is sinking due to some damage you either can’t repair or locate, you don’t have the materials or expertise to repair the ship, you need someone else to help repair you. The ship is already flooded with water now, and if you take on more water, you’ll be drowning underwater. All your energy is already spent bucketing out water as fast as you can, but it just keeps coming, day after day and you get no rest. You’re in a constant storm, not moving anywhere, except slowly sinking more and more. It’s every ship’s destiny to someday break apart and become unable to sail, but at least you hope for some clear days where you can enjoy the journey, have an adventure. Being ill has little enjoyment attached to it, it’s difficult to just stand up in the storm. Slowly sinking with no hope, seems to be your lot in life.
But if you can find a second wind, if you can make an attempt at an S.O.S, if you attempt a risky situation in an attempt to repair yourself, you can still cling to hope whilst sinking. By constantly seeking comfort, you can’t do any of these things. Comfort is escape, not confrontation. You try to enjoy your demise by at least distracting yourself with superficial things in your cabin, but the reality is, every time you stop distracting yourself, you’re back in the storm, and nothing has improved, in fact you’ve neglected your efforts and the water flooding your ship has risen even more.
Now you can’t attempt a frenzied effort every day, you’d kill yourself in the process. Instead you could try to make a plan every month to do something to challenge your situation. Write a list of things to trial and error, write a list of people or places you can ask for support. If you have years of suffering ahead, you have years of trial and error to get through, sooner or later, you might get through the list.
The sad fact is, many people will get through this list, and be in the same position, but on the flipside, it’s guaranteed that some people will get through the list and get better. Is it worth the effort? You don’t know until you’ve tried. Using a positive mindset, just struggling and fighting against your situation is better than giving in and sinking faster.
If the damage is so severe and so hopeless, you can understand how a person would want to just sink and get it over with. Honestly most people aren’t in this situation, and most people are unaware of the help that’s possible for them. It can be like you’re surrounded by a tempest, unable to see any help nearby. In truth, until you ask, many people and places won’t even attempt to help you, they won’t find you on their own. They might notice you and take pity in their minds, but not feel the need to really do anything, because they didn’t connect to you.
When you ask for help, you connect with others. Others with empathy, can understand, they’d want help if they were in the same situation. That’s why you have to explain your situation as best you can, and clearly explain what help you need. By being vague or exaggerating, people won’t be inclined to help, or might do their minimum and give up, causing you a blow to your confidence and hope.
It can be quite demoralising asking for help. Because you feel it’s likely, that many people will treat you with scorn or ignore you. You feel like they are burdened enough, why should they help you. How would helping you benefit them. These are all the negative voices in our head, that want us to sink faster. They don’t want us to get help. It can be scary asking for help in a way, you don’t know if the help might make you worse. They’ll advise some cockamamie scheme (graded exercise therapy), and you’ll be worse off from it, whilst they wash their hands of you and say they tried their best, good luck. That they’ve checked you for damage, and you’re fine, there’s no damage, yet you are still sinking. They’ll say; “The sinking is all in your mind, just imagine yourself not sinking.” You reply “If I’m not sinking, then why are my feet wet?!” “Well your feet are wet because you didn’t dry them enough, everyone gets wet feet sometimes.” “Not everyone is wading around in water to their chests all the time either.”
Enough with the ship analogy, you probably get it. The main point of seeking comfort, is really to do with not finding time to challenge yourself or seek help. Both these things aren’t comfortable in the least. It makes it worse if you’re an introvert who has a high sense of pride, or a feeling of not burdening others. You isolate yourself, and comfort yourself as best you can, but find yourself trapped ever still. But if you’re trapped and don’t try to escape or tell anyone, isn’t it likely you’re going to stay trapped, especially now you’re weakened and barely able to keep going.
I guess it’s back to being easier said than done. I know a lot of people are in situations where they’ve asked for help, tried everything they can, and they are still in the same situation. You can’t keep asking them to bang their heads against the wall in attempt for someone to care about them. There are people in the world with empathy, but sometimes you might not find them in time.
If everyone around you is like that, the only choice is to gather up as best you can, and move to another spot, to try your luck there. Many things can chain us to where we reside, most significantly money. Depending on your age and situation, you can’t just drop everything. I don’t have any answers for that really, everyone’s situation is different. I just know continuing to seek comfort and distraction every day, isn’t the best idea, unless your demise is really guaranteed, even then your dreams might still be in reach.
hard to get out of it